specialising

The time has come for me to devote more time to a specific avenue of research. Much to the dismay of my assistant, pyromancy is one of the areas I have had the most impressive results with, the ‘flaming nail man’ ability perhaps most notably, with the simple addition of sticks and flame, one can be transformed into a terrifying wolverine of the inferno- unfortunately I hadn’t factored in the necessity to not allow this visage to go on too long or one tends to end up with rather burnt fingers 😦

Other such wonders include ‘self immolation whilst fixing a bath’ in which a torch is substituted for a candle due to lack of batteries- apply sufficient absent mindedness and soon you too can set your robes ablaze- my recommendations for this would be to have a helpful assistant to hand as mine merely commented to a guest “it’s ok this happens all the time” as my pleas for assistance echoed down the tower staircase.

 

Another potential area for me to expand into is that of transfiguration, I have recently successfully turned myself into a Viking:

 

An immortal space warrior:

A Christmas tree:

An African tribesman:

 

And even an Australian:

Amongst many other things that were less aesthetically pleasing such as my venture into turning into evil Spider-Man which went a bit wrong 🙂

Wizardry funding

As with many aspiring wizards, I have to please my patrons in order to continue my research- today I was called before the high council of the arcane to give account of my recent progress.

As usual the debate ensued around the value of my time spent practicing alchemy, I explained that as soon as I master turning base elements into gold, I will no longer need their ongoing funding, however they lacked the wisdom to grasp the potential of this arena and so I may be forced in future weeks to focus upon other areas. This is a heartfelt disappointment to me as I had recently discovered a formulae which could give anybody very unpleasant stomach cramps- the secret to this was merely to cook cheesy pasta with chicken and onions in it, leave it on the side for two days and serve to anyone willing to eat it- myself and my assistant/wife are currently still dealing with the after effects of this particular venture into the mystical realm.